Same Line of Decision Making

I remember my friend Rebecca struggling with the fact that some decisions were made for career advancement. I've been thinking about decisions that I made that affected my family. I could justify my decision because it was in someone else's best interest BUT WAS IT RIGHT.

I'm thinking of a move we made that was extremely difficult for all our kids. A "man of the cloth" who had some nasty habits was exposed and charged with grevious offenses. I knew that the people where he served would be judged and ridiculed mercilessly. We were asked at the same time to go to this community. I said yes to this move as I wanted to stand beside friends during this difficult time. This turned out to be a terrible experience for our kids. Until last week, I had never questioned this decision. Now I wonder about it. Was I hearing the "WILL OF THE FATHER" or was I acting in someone elses best interest inadvertantly hurting my kids. I know my kids will forgive me and have survived and God has been gracious to them but was it necessary?? Was it God's perfect, good, acceptable will?? I don't know.

New teaching

I LOVE the gentle way God deals with me. HE is so INCREDIBLY kind. I would be SO VERY merciless if someone took as long I do to figure things out.
I heard on the way to Alberta just a short sentence ,"This is a natural relationship" (meaning to me ... the friendship that I have with my childhood friend) My response "Oh" Now how brilliant is that!!!
On the way home Art and I were talking about how we made decisions in our lives. I said "For me decisions were made on the basis of relationship" ( like what is good for Art, my kids, my friends etc). Now doesn't that sound self-less?!? PPFFFFF--- That night I heard " I came to do the will of the FATHER!" Oh my goodness!! Totally wrong again.
A song came to mind "Lord let me live from day to day in such a self forgetful way that even when I kneel to pray, my prayer would be for others. Others, Lord yes others, let this my motto be. Help me to live for others that I might live like thee." Now this song would be lovely if it were only true. Jesus DID NOT live for others. HE lived to do the will of the Father.
Once more my nice little "do gooder religious" world needs to be smashed to line up with what is TRUTH.

Quick trip to Alberta

A life long friend's Mom passed away last week end. Art and I drove out to Alberta for the funeral. A granddaughter did the eulogy and tears were just pouring down my face because this Granddaughter NAILED the essence of who Mrs. Stinn was. I knew her 40 years ago and her granddaughter reminded me of the positive input that she had in my life. Mrs Stinn was always optomistic and enjoyed small pleasures. She was cheerful and giggly. She found pleasure in her garden and flowers. She loved to get to know people and drew out their adventures. The church was full of people that had been touched by her cheerful personallity. She will be missed

I LOVE Mercy

Writing a reply to a blog, I realized just how PASSIONATE I am about mercy and grace. I have received so MUCH mercy in my own journey towards God that I will FOREVER be greatful for mercy. The scripture that says, He that is forgiven much, loves much, I believe to be true of mercy also. I've received much and have a passion to give much mercy. Growing up learning the truth's in God's Word did not fill me with mercy. Seeing my prideful, arrogant, stinking heart and the brokenness of the sinful nature in me was when mercy became precious. How could God put up with my rotten old self that turned people away from HIM. How could He wait so LONG for me to see HIS Light and Life. Why would He bless the little stumbling baby steps that I made towards Him. How could He encourage me through this whole process. I'd be climbing all over someone that moved as slow as I did toward walking uprightly.

I realize that outwardly I could do the Paul thing about being born into a Christian family, sitting under wonderful teaching all my life, being the good Christian kid, doing all the right Christian things BUT my Heart Condition was full of myself demanding others measure up to some standard. HOW INCREDIBLY sick!!! Jesus had no such standard. He just loved to hang out with sinners and make them saints through, love, mercy and forgiveness. YEAH GOD!!! I love your ways!!!

End of the week.

This is Friday and our fasting week ends tonight or Sunday night. I was fasting food and tv and it was strange to me that I missed tv more than food. It wasn't just tv but sitting in the living room knitting or working on somethine with the tv as background noise. Sitting in a chair facing a blank scene just seemed WRONG so I'd go to the bedroom and listen to some "Bickel". He is more inspiring and as entertaining as tv but still my world was different. I need to rearrange my world once again.

Prayer and Fasting

This week the pastor of the church called for a week of prayer and fasting. I was saying (inside myself) Whoooo Hooo !!! Yipee Do!!! Just like the Vineyard!!! A January fast while it is freezing cold!!

Seriously, I don't think I've ever been so HAPPY to fast. Everything Brian ever said about fasting has been pouring back over me. I KNOW not to beat myself up if I fail. I KNOW in weakness God shows HIMSELF strong. I KNOW God will honor our seeking after HIM. I've also met some different people in the church who are SERIOUSLY seeking God's face. So cool!!

I thought and I thought!

Today I sat in a meeting that was very interesting. We ever envisioning what a new program place would look like. We don't have a space yet so the visioning was all in our heads. Everyone contributed what they "thought" it would be and we put it all together into a many pieced puzzle. I like things on paper so I can litterally SEE a picture. This was really challenging for me as we were 'drawing' our pictures in our brain. I find myself exhaused at this days end but pleased at the outcome. I'd use this way of "seeing" things again as I think it was a productive exercise.

What are true riches

Dwight dreamed that I won 3 million dollars (at least his dad told me he did). He said it seemed so real. My response "If that is YOU God, LAY IT ON ME!!! I'll take it all!!

When I thought about this later, I thought, the BEST and Truest riches I already have. I have 4 kids who love God though all their struggles to find the true meaning of their lives. Grand children who are secure in the abundant love of their parents and Aunties and Uncles and Grandparents on both sides of their families. Hey I'd take the 3 million but I wouldn't trade what I have right now for any amount of money!!

Surviving the cold

It is wickedly cold up here right now. When it gets this temperature, we just go into survival mode. Will the vehicles run today. Will the tired go flat. Nothing we own is warm enough to stay outside for more than a couple of minutes. Buurrrr! Honker down and knit!

Wonderful sermon

I skipped church last Sunday and heard an amazingly good sermon from a guy who spoke of himself as a Bible Based Fundamentalist. His point of view was that REAL Christianity could become religious tradition within a generation. One generation might know the REALITY of relationship with God and the next the rules of behavior without relationship. Now I know this is not earth shattering but the one thing that he said that stuck for me was when he spoke of the Ten Commandments. He said that for the "rule people" these are hard and fast rules; but for relationship people these are PROMISES!! You SHALL love the Lord your God - FREEDOM and PRIVILEGE to do the right thing IS MINE. You shall not steal, kill, commit adultery. The PROMISE AND THE POWER to overcome IS MINE!! When I understand the promise (and also the grace that covers my messes), I can LOVE the Law and see it is as sweet as honey as David said.

Confused

I confused Rebecca in what I said about commerce. I AM so immersed in commerce that it hurt my head to try to IMAGINE a world without commerce. I think of everything I do in terms of time, and money management, the effect of what I do as it affects my future or the future of those I love. I have watched people that I know who are NOT tied to material things; who aren't worried about being hours or days late; who just look after todays needs and are satisfied; who can live with NOTHING tangible; and I have wondered ???? WHAT GIVES ?????? Why is there no push to go higher, faster, longer???? It did not fit into my "grid". So when Floyd said "Because of commerce", IT was like a lid blew off my thinking and I GOT IT all at once like a revelation. I've seen it, experienced it, wondered about the WHY and all at once I understood. A whole different reality was at work here. One I now need to re-evaluate all the judgment that came with my particular mindset as opposed to another that I didn't understand. So if anyone is still confused, I'll try again to 'splain!!!

My community

There has been a lot of talk about comunity in churches. I have decided that in my community are the people who hold me in their heart and the people that I hold in my heart. They may be ANYWHERE in this wide wide world (likeEngland, Rebecca and Toronto, Nancy and Wabowden and Thomspon and Winnipeg and Alberta and BC and Hong Kong)
If they share with me their joys and sorrows and think about me in my celebrating and grieving then they are a part of my community. No matter how long it is since I have spoken to them, the moment we open our hearts to each other the LOVE flows deep and strong. I can count on them to listen to me to speak into ANY situation where I need support or correction. I know they will tell me the truth in love. So those of you who KNOW you are MY community be blessed in 2007. I'll be talking with you sometime this year!!

Commerce

Floyd and I had an interesting conversation as he is studying Anthropology. Art and I had been discussing the lack of buildings on this side of the ocean when it is easy to find things from the tenth, eleventh, century and earlier on the other side of the ocean. I'd always heard people say this was because the cultures on this side were hunters and gatherers. This never made sense to me as the other side of the ocean also had hunters and gatherers. Floyd said that it was because the cultures in Europe all were centered on commerce and the ones on this side were not. THIS MADE TOTAL SENSE!!
If all I need is what will sustain me today
If I'm not storing up for the future
If I'm not looking to make more than I need to sell off at a profit
If my time does not have a dollar value attacked to it
I will not be in a huge hurry
I can live in the moment
Tomorrow will take care of it's self
Wow commerce controls EVERY AREA of our lives
For those of you who knew this years ago, this may not be astounding, but for ME who had WATCHED these VERY THINGS for years and wondered WHY OH WHY do people live like this, It was a HUGE Aha!! moment. Keep teaching me my son!!